Withdrawn

Tonight we were so blessed to share a wonderful meal as a family. Bradley's friend's mother made us an amazing dinner, complete with a beautiful salad to meet my parents' dietary requests. Honestly, the best part of the dinner was just having all of us together for a meal. Dad did not really talk to any of us, but he enjoyed his food and seemed to be taking it all in.

Yesterday his condition was very poor, but today he has a lot more energy. His abdomen and feet continue to be very swollen which is a sign that his heart is not working properly, and that his liver is also shutting down. A woman who is a grief counselor and a hospice nurse came to our home today. She said that he is most certainly terminal, but that he is not "imminent", meaning days. I believe that we are talking about a week or two maybe.

He spent most of the day watching comedies, but did want to get a short walk in. He is a fighter and I believe will die fighting this disease. He is the strongest man I know and I love him so much. My hope now is that when he does pass, that it will be peacefully and in his sleep. The hospice nurse spoke of some of the things that the body goes through and I really hope that he doesn't have to experience that.

Love to all of you who read this. Cards and phone calls to my mom mean a lot.

Moment to Moment

Where to begin???

Life has been a bit crazy since my parents came back from the Ann Wigmore Institute in Puerto Rico. I honestly feel that life changes moment to moment. Instead of rehashing the last two weeks, I will focus on the present moment. I have not updated this blog because I don't feel that my dad would appreciate what is being said on here because he does not agree. However, in his present state of mind, there is not much to agree on.

Today he got the results of the bloodwork that was drawn up last Thursday. Some of the bloodwork was the same, but some levels of things were significantly higher. I did learn today that the cancer in his liver had mestastisized from elsewhere in the body. My gut feeling is that it started in his colon. At this point, the enzyme levels and bilirubin levels in his blood, all point to liver failure. He is still very yellow and his current state of mind is "racing" and "agitated". We all believe that the cancer has spread to his brain and also his bones. He has an incredibly hard time with any physical contact, will wake easily from a simple sheet being bunched up, and was very hostile towards everyone today. The first week he was back he was not making rational thoughts and was manic. The manic episode seems to have stopped but now he is just very difficult to be around. We keep reminding ourselves that we are dealing with the cancer and not with dad.

Right now he wants to have the mercury fillings in his mouth removed and go back on the Ann Wigmore diet 100%. He is sure that with the fillings gone he will improve 100%, but he was also sure that the doctors would be so astounded at his improvement in his bloodwork today that they would just "fall over".

Day, by day, moment by moment, is how we are all living. I love my dad so, so, much and the best news that I have is that he isn't in constant pain right now, which is great. Every day is different and sometimes the old dad is there, but it is less and less right now.

The boys are doing really great. Miles is crawling up onto furniture and loves to say "thank you". He also says "uh, oh", "daddy", and "doggie". He will sign to me when he is "all done" as well. Carter is very excited for his birthday coming up. We have tickets to see Toy Story 3 On Ice, but will see how dad is doing. In preparation for this 3rd birthday I have followed Bradley's cousin Stephanie's advice and done an interview, in the midst of sadness comes laughter:

Favorite Food: Pasghetti

Favorite Drink: Chocolate Milk (My dad introduced him to this terrible beverage :))

Best Friend: Wyatt and Finn

Favorite Thing to Do: Play Cowboys

Favorite Place: Tokyo ( I am assuming this is coming from Cars 2)

What do you want to be when you grow up? Cowboy