Seize It!

It has been a hell of a week. I have been at work the past two weeks because my long-term sub could not longer fill in. I was so grateful to be back at work because a local high school boy took his own life last week. Being able to be in the classroom to help grieving relatives and students so shaken by this small-town tragedy was amazing. I am back off of work to help my parents starting tomorrow. My dad doesn't really want me around, but I know that I need to be there for my mom. She really is amazing! Between being his care-giver, friend, wife, and a wonderful grandmother - she is holding up really well, all in between the reality that she is losing her best friend. She is remarkably strong, and I admire all she is doing and embracing.

Even though my dad is skin and bones (besides his extremely large stomach region), has difficulty getting in and out of a chair, and in much discomfort, he still likes to let me know everyday that he is "getting better". We all know that this is not true, but we play the charade, because that is what he is doing.

While looking through my computer for pictures of the young man who died, I kept finding myself looking at pictures of dad and thinking he looked "pudgy". This most certainly was never the case, but it just goes to prove how we accept and get used to our current situation. I really am surprised he is still alive. His mind works well, but his body just is not functioning well at all. He only really "eats" liquids, because almost everything he ingests has an immediate impact on his digestive system.

One of his comforts is his hot tub. I think it is soothing because he feels weightless. It has broken a few times, but my amazing husband drove to Oregon last week and worked on it relentlessly until 11pm to get it up and running again. Bradley has also put in a secure gate on the lower property with a keypad, and continues to stock their firewood pile. I made a wonderful choice when I married that man.

Perhaps the saddest part of the week was standing behind a family during the service, and watching a grown woman break away from her boyfriend and grab her father for condolence. Hugging my dad now is nothing like what it used to be. His words may have reassurance, but his physical body does not.

Carter and Miles are doing great and continue to visit dad for short bursts every other day. He can't really take anymore than that. I pray that he goes peacefully, and that my mother can enjoy the time she has left.

If anything "good" can come from this week, it is that we are reminded that life is short, we all make mistakes, but there is salvation. Whether through Christ, forgiveness, or other religious beliefs, the chance to make wrongs right is yours for the taking - don't waste the moment, seize it.

Update

Yesterday dad slept all day and only really ate at dinner. He did not make his usual trip into town, and instead of watching TV and sleeping, he just slept in his bed.

Last night his two uncles came to town. He is usually overjoyed to see these two men, but seems less than interested. Today my boys and I joined my parents, sister, and two great-uncles for breakfast. Dad ate, but did not join the conversation. He was also confused a few times, this is something my mom notices a lot now.

After breakfast, the whole crew stopped back by our house and my dad stayed in the truck. He is very slow, and the ascites continues to be his biggest problem. He prefers to keep my mom by his side and likes it best when the two of them are alone. That being said, he is very easily angered, and lets out all of his frustrations (which are unwarranted) on her.

Last night Miles was covered in his dinner and I decided to bathe him in our sink. Feeling left out, Carter joined the party too. I know some day I will look back on this picture and not believe that they both fit in the sink so I had to document it.

A true blessing this week was all of the food that others prepared for us so that we wouldn't have to worry about meals with all of the family that has come and gone.

Love to you all, we are all strong together and have had our arguments, but we are just trying to enjoy as much time as we can with dad now because we all know that there is not much left.

Carter's 3rd Bday Extravaganza!

March 1st marked the third year anniversary of Carter's birth. Our original plan was to have NO party and instead take a trip to the bay area and catch Toy Story 3 On Ice in Oakland. Because of the situation with my dad, we decided to forgo our trip and instead stay home. That meant that a week before his birthday I suddenly had to plan something for Carter. I decided to do cupcakes at Eileen's with his friends, and his Mema planned to have pizza and cake at her house for family. I put in a quick order to Party City, contact the local bakery, and things were set. My dad's condition then seemed stable enough for us to head down south so we decided at the last minute to make a trip as well. In the end, I think we could have paid for Carter's first semester in college after this extravaganza, but the memories were priceless!

His birthday started with our annual trip to Bob's Ranch House for breakfast. My dad and mom made the trip too. My dad was pretty distant during breakfast but did hold Miles for a little bit. After breakfast Carter went to Eileen's, and we had cupcakes with all of his friends there. Bradley came for the celebration and Carter was so cute introducing his daddy to all of his friends. He was a proud little boy. After cupcakes we did a "string" pinata with the kids and then I took my own two home for a nap.

After nap, we proceeded to Mema's house for party number two. His 10 year old cousin came home from school early to help decorate the house and put up a banner. Carter showed up to the party in his new super-hero costume and quickly engaged in play with his Isbell and Lang cousins. My parents didn't know if they would make it to the party that night, but my dad rallied strength and came. He sat most of the time, but seemed to enjoy watching the kids play. Carter got a new kitchen from all of his relatives and he enjoys making things very much.

Our trip to the bay area was really great. We got a great deal at the Hilton, which was also conveniently one block from Chinatown. The first morning we all had Swedish pancakes at Sears, and Bradley and I had great Bloody Marys. After Sears we walked to the trolley station and took the cable car back up to the hotel. Both boys LOVED riding on the cable car. After the short excursion we were all pooped and took a short nap before driving to Oakland. Our first sign that this was going to be expensive was the $25 price we paid to park our car at the Oracle Arena. The show was pretty incredible, truly Broadway on Ice, we also had tickets only two rows up. Miles was using his sign language to sign "all done" from the beginning of the 2nd act on, but we managed to make it out of there without too many dirty looks from our neighbors. Carter loved the show but couldn't wait to get back to the "tower" we stayed in.

We took a cab down to Pier 39 to eat some dinner. Carter has a pretty serious shellfish allergy so we were skeptical about eating, but decided on a big building that claimed to have been in business since 1916. Sadly, I don't think the establishment will make it's 100th anniversary. We sat for 30 minutes with both kids before someone even came and talked to us. Carter had to go to the bathroom and while inside of the commode we stumbled upon a woman who was either dead or just drugged, half naked on the toilet. I quickly hurried Carter out and we promptly left. We "yelped" our next location, found it had four stars, and we all ate for less than the price of one entree at the other halfway house, I mean restaurant.

After dinner we walked down the pier and I was just amazed at how open Carter was to all people. It didn't matter if they were homeless, black, white, brown, he replied to all of their comments on his balloon hat or dance moves, (he tried to join some Michael Jackson impersonators) with sincere appreciation and an unbiased view. Both boys truly absorbed the sights, smells, and other senses of the city. The next morning we enjoyed some time at Golden Gate Park with a good friend before leaving over the Golden Gate Bridge. (That is a whole other blogpost alone).

It was great to get away as a family, even if I think we could possibly qualify for financial assistance after spending a weekend in the city. It was really expensive, but memories do seem to be priceless.

To update on my dad. . . He continues to swell more and more, but he insists or blames the "bloating" as he calls it on whatever he has eaten. He is in full denial that he is terminal, and continues to fight. His swelling is very significant and is causing him to be quite uncomfortable at night. In general, he is very "slow". Slow moving, slow talking, slow thinking. He is also quite difficult to be around at times because he is very easily agitated. His sister and her family are coming to town this week and we will see how things go.

Time makes you bolder, children get older, and I'm getting older too.